Yes I just quoted Tina Turner ! I LOVE any divas. Dying for these new snicker commercials, with the divas. Too good. Right now I am sending my cousin Selvia pictures I took at various events of her daughter, Valentina. I am just obsessed with this baby. She is just the most beautiful little thing, Mashalla. I really cannot wait to have kids, I am only nineteen, so that is far off. But today I got caught behind a bus on the way to school and this girl was staring at me from the back of the bus, and she was gazing. I waved and she lit up, and waved the whole time till I turned. I was just thinking I could not wait to have a little girl with my face : ) I wonder if ( godwilling I have kids) she’ll be crazy like me. I hope so. ” I hope she’ll be a fool, that is the best thing a girl can be in this world… a beautiful little fool.” One of my favorite lines ever. Daisy said it in The Great Gatsby. Today just felt good. The sun was out, and I did not need the heat on full blast ! I listened to my music with windows down, EPIC ! Right now I am thinking of my friend Rachel. We have lived next door to each other for like eleven years, since my sister bessy was born. We sat next to each other and laugh/fought every morning and afternoon on the way to school for eleven years ! We spent everyday outside of the stairs speaking in our own language ( gibberish ) from morning till night every summer day till junior year of high school. When I think childhood I think of her. And she moved recently and she did not even tell me. I am still in shock, I am getting teary eyed thinking of it. There were a million firsts with Rachel. We could not have been more opposite, even though our birthdays were five days apart. I was the crazy loud mouth, and Rachel was always the quiet one. When you have the best times of your existence with someone you never want to let go. But I did not really have a choice in the matter. Not to be dramatic but for some reason or another people are always willing to let go of me, without any fight. Its like one thing happens and its over and they never look back, and I wish I could tell you why. But I do not know. Well I am past fighting for people. I miss Rachel, but I refuse to branch out. She is very aloof, always have been. I have a weird fascination with people like that. I like to call it the Iceberg people. Like the people that seem on the surface like nothing special, and when you get to know them are really quite phenomenal and interesting. I am a what you see is what you get kind of person. I guess I’m secretly looking for someone just like me. Not that I think I am the ideal, but I just want to be understood. That’s what everyone wants at the end of the day.. To be understood and loved. God is Love Rev Run. Ha, breaking a serious thought with a joke.. Typical me move. Well I’m probably gonna cry this one out. Good night and Good Luck Dreaming.
It is easy enough to be pleasant
When life flows by like a song,
But the man worth while is the one who will smile
When everything goes dead wrong.
For the test of the heart is trouble,
And it always comes with the years,
And the smile that is worth the praises of earth
Is the smile that shines through tears.
It is easy enough to be prudent
When nothing tempts you to stray,
When without or within no voice of sin
Is luring your soul away;
But it’s only a negative virtue
Until it is tried by fire,
And the life that is worth the honour on earth
Is the one that resists desire.
By the cynic, the sad, the fallen,
Who had no strength for the strife,
The world’s highway is cumbered to-day—
They make up the sum of life;
But the virtue that conquers passion,
And the sorrow that hides in a smile—
It is these that are worth the homage on earth,
For we find them but once in a while.
|—||Ella Wheeler Wilcox|
So, I’ve decided to jump head first into this. Today being the last day of February(a dreadful month if I say so myself.) My hetero lifemate and all around EXISTENCE Lia has one of these, and it is quite popular with the hipsters. So I say “Why the hey not?.” I’ve always wanted a diary, but everyone in my family is extensively nosy… So it has not been an option. I guess I should semi introduce myself to my zero followers. I am Adrian, this is the blog in which you will find out I am neurotic, opinionated, Obsessed with beauty of any variety, in complete adoration of anything having to do with film, and just a very confusing person. We will start with today and see where it takes us. Hm, I was woken up at approx. 12 pm. I have been thoroughly enjoying oversleeping while the snow outside has stopped just about everything. Even my package from fo sho 21 ( forever 21 )… Argh. But, back to the sleeping. I love sleep, if I have the luxury of time, I force myself to sleep. I can see no wrong with it, and without it I am truly “The green eyed monster.” That and food, hungry and tired is NOT a good combo. I think the obsession has to do with the possibility of a truly great dream. It is almost like a drug. Like with heroin, apparently ( have never done drugs, and will try my damnedest not to ever) the first time you do heroin it is like this phenomenal core shaking high, that feels like heaven. And people get addicted to heroin just trying to relieve that high… SO they shoot up over and over, just to get to the infinite state.. They risk missing out and being vacant and on “auto pilot” throughout a great amount of time in their life to just get there, but the hard truth is that, that high only comes once. I have missed out on some great things while sleeping, but I do not regret anything, because I would of been to busy bitching to be happy in that moment, and would have probably ruined it for other people. AND I love dreams, they are so weird and surreal that they make you look at life differently. And people ! Have you ever had a dream where you made out with someone who you see on a daily basis? And then when you see them you feel awkward like it happened? Ha, soo strange. Well then after I went to Lord and Taylor with my mom and grandma. Nora ( my ma, not her real name, so I am not being disrespectful.. it is a term of endearment) was looking for this coat for grandma! Omg they have had hell finding a coat for my little jesha ! She likes a long coat, a nice the material… etc. But they have apparently found one.. They just need to see if they can ship it. Then Jesha( granny grandmothaa) was tired, the weather gets the best of her and she has been not feeling well lately. So we dropper her off, and she waited at the door, like she always does, till we were out of sight. That kills me, if there was one thing I wish I had recorded to look at everyday.. It would be that, because I do not look forward to the day I won’t be able to look back, see her and wave. Then we went to Marshall’s I found the cutest dress ( it reminds me of carries outfit in Sex and The City the movie, when she runs back in the penthouse to get the shoes ) for five dollars, and some sweats and tank tops ! Oh and three dvds.. “The Reader”, “The Wrestler”, “Goodwill Hunting.” Nora and I just watched “The Reader”, and it was very devastating… A heart twister, and soul shaker. I won’t give details, but I think it just reiterates something I always say.. Behind every man that doesn’t know how to love a woman, is a woman that did not love that man. In no way do I blame women for every asshole, but I think it goes vice versa for girls sometimes also, but girls don’t need obvious love the way men do. Men need to be told. Sometimes I feel like guys have autism with love, like they can only understand what they are told ! They can’t decipher tones, and undertones, they only know what they are told. Well I have to go prepare myself for another collegiate day at a collegiate institution morrow ! I hope I don’t get lazy and forget about this.. I tend to go full force then never follow through. Here’s to hoping. Signing here.. Good night and Good Luck Dreaming !